The Bachelorette Recap #3: Girls Love Satin, Hate Hammocks & Football

First, special recognition: Congrats to the idiot intern at abc.com for loading and labeling the episode "parts" correctly this time. Your accuracy is appreciated. Your fixing of last week's order didn't go unnoticed either. Thus, going forward, I'll bully you with dimwit, rather than idiot. My happiness at easy webpage navigation doesn't quell the fire water in my belly over the indulgent length of this episode. I'm just sayin'... don't get too comfortable NETWORK AFFILIATES. (That's not a threat. I've just watched Puzo's The Godfather three times recently, and it's affecting my social interactions a great deal more than I expected it would.)

DeAnna! Paison! God, it be so much cooler if she was Italian.

Previously, on The Bachelorette, THE SAME INTRO plays. Does Brad get residuals every time they show his big face dumping her? I imagine he's cashing thousands and thousands of checks for ten cents, thirteen cents, a buck now and again. He's suffering irreparable carpal tunnel syndrome from endorsing them. He's also sitting in an New York apartment, in the early nineties, and Kramer swaggers in, unannounced.

Dip Shit recounts last week's trivialities to an absurdly detailed degree. Jeremy's parents are dead! She broke three hearts! (Mmmm, some one's making bacon, I smell it.) Cue preview for the episode which is literally to begin in ten seconds.

The new crap starts with Dip Shit in the bunker addressing the boys' team. He offers them congrats for being the final twelve. (Pausing on the scene, I see Ron is holding a football. Doesn't it seem like the dudes on the Bachelorette have so much more fun in their down time than the chicks do on the Bachelor? Did ABC even give the women a pool table and a football? Is it assumed women don't play pool, or toss around a football? Hey, Sexist Dickbags of ABC, women enjoy more than over-stuffed couch sectionals and Chardonnay.) So, nuh duh, last week's rosed, Paul, Jeremy and Graham get to move on up. Outside of that non-revelation, we find their rustic mini-mansion has been creatively dubbed, by them, "the outhouse". I'm not calling it that; my macro for "the bunker" has already been set up.

Talking-head Richnerd unknowingly prophesies his ass is grass; and the camera unsympathetically abandons him for guys who may actually win this thing.

We see the Deevil tanning herself by the pool, when the top three show up. In an interview, she neck rolls all over the place that she is "obviously" attracted to Jeremy, Lord of Death; for some insane reason, she wants to get to know Paulie better; as for Graham, well, she just likes his man meat. Yes, outstanding pecs DO make the most ideal husbands. You, my dear Dee, are making wise, wise choices for optimum time-suckage. She giggles at herself like a seventh grade cheerleader, and we cut to home movies of her seventh grade pool party.

Back at the bunker (which has a hammock) (I KNOW there was no fucking hammock for the Bachelor women), team Desperation Nation quizzes Jesse on what happens up there. There's a group wack-off to his seedy descriptions of the black magic orgies. Gross! No, he snowboard dorks, "hot tubbin', poolin'". Jason finally catches on that other dudes poolin' with his lady doesn't bode well for his relationship with her. On the I-know-the-women-didn't-have-one basketball court, Rob and Brian dole out judgement for Jeremy - actually indicting his trying to be with her as much as possible - or as Roberto cliches, his "white on rice routine". Tired Analogy is his first language. The camera rolls over Richnerd, who drops dead to me when I see his thick, gold cross pendant hanging from his thick, gold chain.

Back at the horrid puppy mill, sure enough, Jeremy is all kinds of white on Dee's rice. The most I can say about that is: I want a mimosa. Basketball court justice wants Graham to trounce Jeremy. Rob slimes Jeremy's "rubbed me the wrong way ever since we got here." Richnerd pulls out a graph he's constructed using the x, y axis relative to feeling DeAnna up. Its kind of funny to listen in on dudes over analyzing such a trite scenario, as if it's an Enron acquisition, or pi.

Up in Satan's lair, Paulie spooges all over the Deevil's arm, and as punishment, she sends them off with a date card. The three enter the bunker, showing off their Coronas and hard-ons, and the bottom nine know what else is up. Jeremy reads the message for Richnerd, "Join me for rooftop romance in the City of Angels, love DeAnna." Richnerd's reaction? "Go big or go home" and "put up or shut up". For being such a self-proclaimed geek, he sure knows a bunch of dumb jock talk.

Girls love sparkles and satin! Dee over-enthuses how much she loves about Richnerd but isn't exactly sure she understands their connection. She tops the bunker drive way. A few things I'd like to point out: 1) The guys have a fire pit. 2) The Bachelor women have never had a fire pit. 3) She begs for walking-help like a whiner. 4) In her defense, the drive way is quite steep, and constructed of uneven stone. 5) Jesse non-funnies something about her "closet of perfection". 6) Dudes laugh, even though it isn't funny. 7) Jesse still has those white sunglasses a top his ball cap. 8) No one laughs at that, even though THAT'S fucking hysterical.

Hi Fred!

The Deevil interrupts Richnerd's pool game and he says, "Not now, bitch! Can't you see I'm playing pool?" She bakes him a chicken pot pie while she waits. His whore calls, and leaves a message that she'll fuck him later than expected. Dee interrupts Richnerd again to explain the pie's done. All of a sudden, he doesn't want pie! He'll eat when he's out! Dee loses her shit and breaks all the dishes in the bunker. Richnerd takes off his belt and repeatedly whips her pregnant belly --- wait, no, I'm daydreaming about something interesting I watched recently.

Thus begins the most awkward date in Bachelorette history. It was especially horrifying for me to watch, as I have been on that date before. Ok, so ya'll remember Texas Greg? I met him on Myspace? All right, so we emailed, chatted, talked on the phone for a couple months, and we seemed to click. So he goes to Seattle for business and stops in San Francisco on the way back, just to meet me. As soon as I see him in person, I know I'm not attracted to him--a matter of human chemistry no one really understands. I forge on, facing the entirety of the evening with a man who's essentially a stranger, and who sort of likes me. All throughout dinner he is creeping me out, staring at me. You know when you like someone and you hold each other's gaze and it is this emotional, and lustful connection happening with the eyes? Yah, well that only works when it is two-sided. When one person is doing it, the other one just feels FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE. That feeling, that I felt with Texas Greg, who was kind, smart, funny, nice - just as Richnerd is - that feeling is the same one that Dee is having the entire date and I want to hug her because it righteously SUCKS.

Up on the roof, they look at smog-encrusted buildings. Richnerd tells us he can't get over "the view which is DeAnna." Barf. That is totally shit Texas Greg would say, and it is then I know Richnerd's space junk is gonna go up in a fiery blaze. Their dinner conversation waffles between scientifically-interesting and gut-wrenching awkward.

At the pool hall, Jesse speculates there's no way Richnerd isn't coming back, further expositing Rich's impending doom. The date box shows up. Twilly is wearing this adorable sky blue knit hat that I want. Paulie reads the list of datees for the upcoming event. Jason's not on it, so we know he gets the next one-on-one. He promises Ty will finally be let out of the bag. Surely, he suffocated two weeks ago. I consider how much Ty will be spending on therapy as an adult, "He left me! For a fame-whore! And that's when I tried Meth for the first time..."

On the LA rooftop, dinner continues on with the more semi-interesting talk. Richnerd explains his job is more about his passion for science than his paycheck. Dee responds kindly. He thinks they are connecting "deeper" and "higher". Kiss of death: Richnerd admits he doesn't bring home girlfriends to meet his family. Dee stabs him in the neck with her fork. Hours later, she's huddled in the corner catatonically mumbling the words "ma family" and "oompa" over and over and over.

Ew, they move inside and Richnerd really sells his Texas Greg impersonation. He keeps lustily staring at her, and she keeps looking down. This 80/20 rule isn't working for you dude! This is rough. LONG SHOT of him staring, and her not knowing what the fuck to say. He puts her hair behind her ear. She half-giggles, half-cries, and looks down at her wine. (I'd be chugging that shit if I were her.) Cut to a talking-head, where Dee is subtlety telling us IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN, FOLKS. She further nails it when she offers he desperately wants a spark to be between them. Oh, but before that, he says TO HER he could be devoted to her the rest of his life! We are only three episodes in! Granted, they are long long long episodes, but still! He's only known her three weeks. I think he's drunk. Thank God they move on to another surprise. I couldn't stomach any more of that exchange.

The elevator scene is also sickly awkward. Please, just end it! This is truly the first time I feel badly for Dee. She's putting on a good act, but you can tell she wants to grab a taxi.

The electro-carriage pulls up, and so begins the Trail of Tears for old Dicky. His talking-head embarrassingly reveals he has no fucking idea he's about to be axed. He's falling for her big time, and she won't be there to catch him.

Here it comes.

She's taking her sweet time digging his heart out. You can tell, for awhile, he thinks she's cooing over her love for him, then reality sets in. You can actually hear his heart break at the exact moment when he clues in to the thesis of her speech. It's sad. It's rough. It reminds me of being on the train, and telling Texas Greg he had to go back to his hotel. That look on his face mirrors Richard's. Of course, I'm a cold-hearted bitch without a television audience, and didn't lie to a camera about all this "breaking my heart too" bull. Anyways, Richard hugs her goodbye for way too long. Then relief for us rolls in, and you know Dee is feeling like she just shit out about eight pounds, i.e. she's feeling fucking fantastic.

She voice overs, quite correctly, hurting him now is the right thing to do.

At the bunker, a PA gets tackled by Ron who thinks Richie's bags are being stolen. The men mourn the death of Mr. Wizard. The music takes this shit seriously for once. Who needs a beer?

The pain continues on as Richard voice overs how he feels like a fool. To the detriment of his teaching career, he cusses so despicably that it warrants a beep and a pixelation. Rest in peace, Richards and Texas Gregs of the world, rest in peace.

Sappy Dee carries on, back to her mansion in her Disney-gifted chariot, the un-gifted rose held tightly between her knees. All of LA senses the hurt we've witnessed here tonight, and weeps its special brand of acid rain.

Enough of the tears, let's do some fake cowboy shit! A trunk of Western-style clothing shows up at the doorstep of the bunker. Dee presents a similar selection to her personal orgy-squad. And even though Jason gets a one-on-one date with her, he still talking-heads he's jealous of them going to see Billy Ray Cyrus without him, since "any opportunity to spend time with DeAnna is a good opportunity." Brian puts the bitch in his place, in a nice Brian-way. Then, in a Brian interview, he suggests he'd rope a chicken for a pretty red rose. It seems excessive to me, but what do I know about love.

The men-folk insult The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, when they show up with only the ugly part. Jesse tells us he'll do all he can to get between Jeremy and Dee. I am truly at a loss about this Jeremy situation. Perhaps the editing has been off, and I do loathe Jeremy as much as the rest of the dweebs, but I just can't fathom why everyone hates this kid so much.

So the limo arrives at The Red Barn (?) which includes a cow (?). Dee is there in the same Hollywood spaghetti western meets Abercromie & Fitch attire. All of a sudden, that fakish Southern accent of hers comes racing off her tongue, going so far as to use the word "fixin". Cliched as you may imagine, they're "fixin'" to line dance. This activity is quite possibly the gayest and most non-existent of all cowboy activities. Hell, they're not even drinking whiskey; it looks like they're sipping on champagne coolies. And btw, Jeremy and Jesse have been her wing men since they arrived.

The dancing montage commences. Awesomely, the male dance instructor tries his best to emasculate the bachelors. Everyone looks stupid. Dee shows all those assholes up, proving she could do that shit in her sleep. The guys hoot and holler like they're at the goddamn rodeo, or a strip club.

Back at the bunker, Jason verbally abuses his son. While looking at pictures of his victim, he voice overs about Ty's demotion to second class citizenry all so his daddy can get laid by an E-list celebrity.

On the farm, the mechanical bull-riding showdown is underway. Everyone sucks, just like with the dancing (but due to the real possibility of lasting injury, it has more entertainment value). No real surprises show up here, except for Dee's misguided interpretation of the guys looking "bad ass". Jesse stays on the longest, which means he has the strongest inner thighs of them all. What a catch; I wonder how Jesse's thighs stack up against Graham's ripped pectorals.

Dee plays this weak "damsel in distress" routine, calling it a "trick". She's testing them to see who's a gentleman. Ron sure ain't. Jesse certainly is. But the real loser here is the womens' rights movement.

Jesse borders on cool when he articulately explains to Dee how he doesn't want a girl who's identity is wrapped up in being his girlfriend, or an "arm doll". Dee wonders if he thinks it is important for him to live with a girl before getting married. He answers by farting. According to Dee, finding out a human farts is akin to learning about them. Jesse's talking-head reveals he considers his fart-talk a show of his serious side.

Back at the dude ranch, Twilly leads the group in some kind of clap-chant, which, having been a child myself, sounds vaguely familiar. Alas, he fucks up the ending; he admits to it though. Graham takes a pulls from a Maker's Mark bottle, and I now understand his hottness. Dee whisks Ron away to yell at him about picking on Jeremy.

Ron can't even begin to effectively defend his position. He pontificates, like a Berkeley grad student, about "guy's guy", "iron sharpening iron", and Dee's not having it. Her body language is telling; her ass is as far away from his as possible. He lies that it's really a non-issue and smugly smiles at her for like a million years. She clearly sees red, and her fake smile and "ok" indicate "YOUR GONE, DOUCHE BAG."

Ron rejoins the group at the campfire. He looks a bit distressed, angry. When Ron is questioned "what's up?" by his bros, he totally turns on Jeremy with "ya lack something brother". OK. Again, I'm not sure why all the dudes hate Jeremy so much, why he rubs everyone the wrong way. I can't say that production has been able to prove that case in the clips we've seen so far. No doubt Jeremy sucks, but for the most part, he seems quiet. Where and when is all this rubbing occurring? Maybe the guys are just jealous of him? It's obvious Dee likes him, perhaps this is eliciting the malicious reaction? I really don't get it. Can anyone explain it to me? And why didn't Dee return to the campfire with Ron? Did production yank her backstage, knowing this confrontation would occur?

Ron has the balls to indict Jeremy on his "tact", which is laughable. He generalizes for like ten minutes, but then actually says his indictment of Jeremy has nothing to do with Jeremy. Jigga wha? It's as if Ron isn't thinking, he's just repeating phrases he's read in kung fu novels. Jeremy calls his ass out on that shit, which, really only makes me like Jeremy more. Way to shoot yourself in the face, Ronnie. I think Jeremy correctly identifies Ron's shtick as being "full of himself". The other numbnuts never air their own grievances, however, Twilly incorrectly terms Ron's crap "wisdom".

Dee pulls Jeremy away for alone time. A weird edit moves us from a serious conversation about the gonad-drama to Dee giggling and putting her big cowboy head on Jeremy's shoulder. I'm nonplussed at the nonsequitor of this poorly edited exchange.

At the campfire, swollen Rob bitches he wants anyone to have the rose besides Jeremy. Cut to Graham and Fred sneaking up on Dee and Jeremy. (I hate that shit. Why are you hurting me, Fred?) Amidst the eavesdropping, we hear Dee say to Jeremy that he is different than the other fellas as he's not buddy-buddy with them. THIS IS HUGE; she recognizes he may be the only one there exclusively for her! Get a clue, boys.

Heh, Fred and Graham scare them so much so, Dee cusses her fucking brains out. I'm starting to like this girl more and more. To Jeremy's credit, he smiles, and graciously moves off camera. Hmm, it looks like Dee has her leg crossed over onto Fred's. Part of me wants her to like him, and part of me wants him to leave the show so we can domestically partner.

Back at the group site, Rob's crabbing about his one-on-one time dreams. He's crying like a baby Stella (tm Detroit Rock City). He doesn't just want to be taking up a spot; if Dee hates him, she should send him packing. Agreed. GO!

Dee comes back to them. She deduces the mood is tense. Twilly gives up Rob, and the two of them meander off -- Dee and Rob, not Twilly and Rob -- although that could be a good match.

One-on-one time is spent talking about how they don't talk, and about chemistry, mostly. After they balance a few equations, Rob's fingers have gone numb from the elements. You can tell that Dee is attracted to him, as she has that goonish grin on her face the whole time. All I wonder is: Why doesn't she ever talk to Brian?

So she gives the rose to Robert. His sincerity promotes this fungal-like growth on me, and then he smarms, "Bobby boy is movin' up to the big house." The night ends with them drunkenly singing Home, Home On the Range.

Daylight at the bunker, Rob's popped-collar grabs Jason's date box. He reads the message aloud, "Let's reach for the stars." An unrecognized voice half-guesses they are going on roller coasters. No way; that would be fun, and these dates aren't made for fun. Rob, delving into that sincere region of his gut, asks Jason if he'll bring up Ty. Jason has no idea how he'll break the news. Jesse guesses, "fifty percent of her is gonna love it, and fifty percent of her is not gonna love it." I'm no statistician, but that sounds dumbly accurate and dumbly obvious.

Dee talking-heads, she knows Jason must be feeling pressure since Richard was dissed and dismissed earlier. She has no idea the real reason why Jason is crapping his pants. Dee shows up, comments on how the dudes are messy and calmly reasons she's sticking around as they have to wait on their ride.

Cue ride: a helicopter. Everyone freaks out at Jason's luck. Commence scenery montages among "oh my god"ing from Dee.

In the bunker, Twilly funnily suggests that Jason shout his kid news over the loud propeller sounds of the copter. He gets a lot of laughs, and for me, this is the first time I actually think he may have a sense of humor. His being funny-looking still stands out as his most notable feature though.

More romantic scenery.
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They finally land at an observatory for star-gazing, dinner, and non-getting-to-know-each-other chit chat about how they don't have enough time to get to know each other.

Around the fire pit (lucky unemployed bastards), Rob suggests Dee may not be ready to take on automatic motherhood just yet. Karate Sean, who we haven't heard from in a grip, says he's dated many women with children and doesn't consider it a big deal. Jesse, the devil's advocate's devil's advocate breaks it down, but Twilly brings it home: mano y mano, all things being equal, a dude with a kid is generally less desirable than a dude who's kid-free.

Observatory blather is: ON. They eat dinner in the library section. Fascinating reveal: Jason's fave food is hamburgers. Prodded by ABC, Dee asks if Jay misses his family. Here it goes... Aha! Ty lives! Jason talks sweetly of his son. Dee also finds out Jay's divorced, but he blames the bitch (his ex-wife, not Dee). Finally, Dee buys a clue and realizes life is bigger than her silly, and unrealistic absolutes. The mood shifts from alive loved-ones, to dead loved-ones when Jason asks Dee to talk about her mama. Dee opens up a ton, and goes through the whole story of her mom's sickness and death. I won't lie; both times I watched this episode I cried during her recounting of such tragedy. Part of me felt icky that reality TV was the platform for her pain, and wondered further what her mom would think of Dee's foray into finding love this way.

Interestingly, Dee reveals she's never dated anyone who cared to know anything about her mother. Furthermore, it's been a long time since she's opened up about such things. This dinner conversation is the best one in Bachelor/ette history by far as 1) I didn't fall asleep and 2) I felt empathy and compassion for two TV numbskulls and 3) I cared to know, what are they eating?

So she roses him, and they fondle telescopes and mangle astronomy lingo for the remainder of the evening. Oh yah, he kisses her too, after he gets express-written permission from the sappy music score. Side bar: He's a chin-grabber.

The next day (?) they stretch limo it to the Ellen Generes studio. Dee wants Ellen's opinion on the guys. Wise move on Dee's part. Jesse sports his sunglasses-a-top-his-hat look, and wonders aloud if he'll SAY something dumb. Last of your worries, buddy. They record the show, and Ellen is funny all over the place. She puts them through the ringer. Ooh, I just noticed Sean's haircut - brilliant move.

Ellen embarrasses the shit out of the guys via dance off.

Ellen is a great judge of character, and nails everyone to a tee. And the fact that she loves Fred, well, that speaks volumes of her instincts. She loses me a bit when she forces them to parade around in Ellen underwear - not my bag, but she pulls it off being a lesbian talk show host and all. The most funny bit is when she carries the rose down the line of guys holding a boom box which plays the dramatic rose ceremony music. Ellen roses Fred! I love Ellen! I love Fred! It is really sweet that Ellen has taken such an interest in Dee's relationship woes. This show has stepped up its game in the last ten minutes. Is this how brain-washing begins?

FINALLY, the rose ceremony. Dee first pulls Ron away. She voice overs she's intrigued by him. I suppose I am intrigued by most nut bags I know as well. He foots-in-his-mouth some shit about waking up and thinking she isn't the one, but via a scorching case of crabs he caught from Rob at breakfast, he now has "a case of the DeAnnas". She asks him to tell her something fun about him. He offers "everything about him is fun". He abuses about three sentences in a row, and she's left dumbfounded. Your done, dude! Jeremy swoops in to save her, the frat boys eavesdrop from inside, assuming Ron will deck him.

Dee thanks Jeremy for the save, thanks him very much, in fact. Ron is clueless.

Indoors, Jesse continues in his capacity of fucking instigator. The men sit down to discuss what the hell just happened. Um, isn't is obvious? DeAnna's BOYFRIEND saved his GIRLFRIEND from an unaware, self-righteous tool bag. Ron creeps some cliched, and inapplicable analogies, offers how he could use them all, and does use them all. By the time he's fucking over himself, all of us have been married and divorced twice, and in and out of rehab four goddamn times. Ron even calls on the name of the Lord for help, yet, still, JESUS HATES YOU, TOO.

On the patio, Jeremy must have roofied her since she is ALL ABOUT HIM. No wait, he didn't roofie her! She just likes him; I'm talking to you, bologna sandwiches in the living room. The couple acknowledges the barrier between them has disappeared. End the f'n show already; if she'd abandon the Infallible Royal Family of Justice & Premature Mom Death to be with the red dirt and roaches in Texas, she obviously likes the kid. He then admits his emotional damage, I mean, involvement, and then kisses her - in a way that BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS kiss each other. I'm one-third pissed at how obvious the winner is (editors, do your jobs); I'm one-third pissed that I have to carry-on recapping as if the winner is unknown; I'm one-third pissed that we will inevitably be subjected to Jeremy-complaining from the other dudes cos they're too fucking clueless to read the 100-point sized neon orange writing on the wall!

Back inside, two-faced bastards that they are, the men nugg up Jeremy, and ask for the deets. Up against a wall, he waffles between not wanting to kiss and tell, and not wanting to further alienate them. Graham voice overs he's having a tough time with this whole screwball scenario of love-discovery.

Cut to Graham being nervous with Dee. Of course, Dee will ignore her own voice over which reminds us of Ellen's opinion - the boy cannot open up. To him, she only says she's worried at his lack of experience. Does. Not. Compute. He non-answers he can't change history, and oh, how he cares, oh so much for her. She's melting. Then he turns the table: Why are all of these other dudes around? Where did that camera come from? I have reason to believe this isn't really YOUR house!? Don't lie to me, DeAnna - if that's even YOUR REAL NAME! The mental patients continue to rub shit all over each other. Dee: Tell me something about you. Graham (who continues to rub shit into her palm): Ok, I'll compromise. Dee: Good. WTF? I have a feeling this is the work of shoddy editing, but I can only judge on what I see folks - and dems peoples es crrrrazzzzy.

They make-out.

Poor, insanely deluded Dee lies to herself, her dead mom and all of us when she talking-heads she accomplished her goal: Graham opened up. I can only assume she meant they kissed with tongue.

The Deevil comes back to the group. Paul double-teams her like seven times with his eyeballs and gold cross. She chooses Jason for some one-on-one time. She had some barf named after his son; confusing. No wait, I was listening to the voices in my head (they're loud sometimes). She had a STAR named after his son. Jason weeps all over the certificate - which actually makes the deal null and void - and Dee reacts like a self-satisfied trust fund brat who takes a university-level class in "volunteerism".

Anyway, this is her way of saying she's OK with it all. Kind of rude to call Ty "it". He doesn't mind - he's thinking ALL ABOARD THE PUSSY WAGON!

Off to the Rose Ceremony, or what I like to call: Rack your brain for an analogy to describe your ouster, Ronnie.

The more she talks about breakin' hearts, the more I hate her. She's so fucking full of herself. If you took her to a lesbian bar, she'd tell you over and over about how everyone is looking at her. Oh, I completely ignore her conversation with Dip Shit. I did catch her calling Ron "a motivational speaker" and calling Jason's certificate of barf "a consolation prize". No wonder this show is so friggin' long, blah blah blahing about shit we knew about relationships in like SIXTH GRADE.

Six roses to hand out: Twilly FIRST; Jesse accepts; Jeremy accepts, cut to the biggest sneer Ron's ever sneered; Brian accepts; Graham accepts (he should thank his lucky stars she's a total horn ball); Sean accepts; I feel mildly bad for Paulie since he's such a tame sap. FUCK OFF, RON!

Talking-head Paulie is pathetic, but he's young, he'll figure it out. Talking-head Ron ACTUALLY USES ANOTHER ANALOGY, and accepts absolutely no responsibility for his total SUCKAGE. "I didn't get rejected, she just chose other guys." BULLLLLSHIIIIITTTTT.