Monday, October 27, 2008

Best Monday Night Plans Ever

I can't complain. I mean, I shouldn't. Perspective check, esmallass. This is my Monday night: No workout (not that I shouldn't, but I'm just not gonna), to a great dive bar to drink (possibly a cucumber margarita) AND watch Monday Night Football (starring my team, the Indianapolis Colts). From there to Fruitvale, to not only watch a new episode of Gossip Girl but to eat the best GD walnut prawns in all of America whilst drooling over Chuck Bass, trying to find Serena's personality and wishing/not wishing I could be Blair for all of eternity. Friends! My dog! all along the way. The air is crisp (finally), my skin is clear, and I actually earned my paycheck today. Yes, dear friends, this is me... H A P P Y. How'd this happen?

I'm lucky, truly lucky.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Smarty Pants For President

Is anyone else as disturbed by this photo as I am? Jezebel posted it, almost as a throw away, but it informs me so completely of her vast inexperience and unfamiliarity with what she's trying to become a part of. And if she's trying to claim a nonpartisan stance of that "Country First" crap, I'd say that's about the dumbest marketing move for your party this side of the Alaskan/Russian border. Jezebel has a close-up and my office pal verified the photo's authenticity.

Twenty Foods For A Long Life List, Strangley Missing: Whiskey

According to a British scientist, these are "Lifespan Essentials":

* apples
* blackberries
* black tea
* blueberries
* broccoli
* cereal bran
* cherries
* cherry tomatoes
* coffee
* cranberries
* dark chocolates
* green tea
* oranges
* peaches
* plums
* raspberries
* red grapes
* red onions
* spinach
* strawberries

But based on my knowledge of "superfoods", I wonder, where are the nuts?

(That's what she said.)


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Further Proof of Ricky Gervais' Blatent, Logical Awesomeness & A Laughing Ira Glass Is One of My All Time Fave Sounds

So much goodness in this interview with Ricky Gervais, aka my soul's twin. "He told TV Biz: 'I’d never work out and lose weight if the part called for it. I’d say, ‘that’s not the film for me’...It’s not real life, it’s ludicrous. If you fall for someone because they’ve got a jawline and a chest and they’re brain dead it won’t last! In life, real people fall for nice people all the time and Hollywood denies that a bit. That’s what I brought over from Britain.” Let's hear it for reality! The Sun via Jezebel.

And if that didn't make you a happier, less-annoyed person, please listen to This American Life: 198 How to Win Friends And Influence People. I took away some valuable tips; tell me if you notice my new social prowess. Btw, how are you doing?

Friday, October 3, 2008

My Gut Reactions to Palin Winks And Grandpa Biden

Ok, so we all know the VP debate took place last night. Armed with red wine and salt-n-vinegar chips, and despite some nasty rush hour traffic stress, I settled in for what I anticipated to be a cringetastic, condescendatic, incomplete sentenstatic good time! I was way off, both candidates were well-prepared and almost too kind and respectful of one another. Of course, that doesn't mean I didn't catch all the weirdness or poor debate positions that make an American proud of her leadership. Please, allow me to ramble on.

The first half-hour I had this genuine and surprising happiness moment of "OMG, Obama is gonna win the white house!", 'cos Biden was bringing it. He was articulate, forceful and passionate. He was persuasive. Which is what a good debater is, essentially. Couple this with Palin's answer/characterization of the most devastating economic digression since the Great Depression, "People are asking, Is this good or is this bad?" Are we in some kind of unnatural Michael Jackson universe where all of a sudden GOOD means very, very very BAD? Unless you're someone like me who wants the dollar to fail so we can barter and eat the flesh of the formerly wealthy, I'm doubting "good" is NOT what ANYONE is deeming this fiscal hurricane to be.

Then you've got Palin doing her shtick. She's folksy and down-home. It's like your mom's mashed potatoes are crammed into her face, filling up her high, majestic cheekbones, which are sugared like red candy apples. She's so small-town wholesome, she couldn't ever locate New York or DC on a map even! Her wonky eye keeps winking at me, and she's cheesing through these macabre sentiments. Try smiling and saying "nukular" at the same time - seems fucked up. Now try watching the possible leader of the free world do it.

Then over to Smilin' Joe "I'm Joe Biden" Biden. The third-person references were either subtle attempts at branding or a doctor prescribed memory exercise. His overall accessing of names seemed to come easily when picking on Pakistan's leadership, but scrap heaped when referring to his own running mate. He was like a grandpa who has to sputter through the first syllable of seven grandchildren's names before arriving on Osama. And the McCain love? He must have said "I love John McCain" more than Palin said "energy" or "betcha". We get it - you're both career politicos with military kids and big white faces, bigger whiter hair and scary American whitey white teeth - of course you're buddies. But Americans are inept at separating policies from personas (Hello! Clinton! Blow jobs! Impeachment! Hello!). Politicians are principally seen as one-dimensional. You love John McCain literally translates to middle America as you love John McCain's policies!

Let's talk policy! I picked random topics that stuck out at me for 1) the related talking points OR 2) there obviously being missing-in-action from the proceedings...

1) Gay Marriage I'm disappointed in the democrats not supporting it. Come. On. I'm not even a democrat and I support it. The arguments you can make are simple to understand and effective, i.e. legal equality, which is an essential component for a proper democracy to flourish and the government can't force churches to recognize it, so Jesus might not smite our nation at the passing of legislation, and the term "sanctity of marriage" is a paradox at this point since heteros have pretty much destroyed it's purity through divorce. And of those marriages not ending in divorce, I'd say a certain healthy percentage of them are miserable and corrupt as evidenced by a random romp on Craigslist, a tool by which unhappy spouses find no-strings-attached arse. Don't look at it as legalizing gay marriage, look at it as legalizing gay divorce! Although, the gays would probably do a better job of restoring the sanctity to it. Oh yah, and Palin, you're a fucking liar. If these so-called gay friends of yours were as near and dear to your stone cold heart as you claim, you would want for them everything they are entitled to as American citizens and more so as human beings. See, that's how LOVE looks. LOVE denies your own religious baggage for the good, well-being and happiness of others, you fucking dick.

2) Health Care This is the issue where the tickets diverge the most. As Palin tried to sell, McCain wants the same old crap: throw more money into a system no longer sustainable and is ostensibly cost prohibitive on the whole, and Obama wants to do away with it. If we can socialize Wall Street, we've lost our Reagan-era, "little government", free market scruples, why NOT take on health care? Outside of these policy positions, neither candidate addressed out of control price gouging by pharmaceuticals, greedy and corrupt health insurers whose agents receive bonuses for denying claims and rescinding coverage midterm, or an out of touch FDA whose conflict of interest bedfellowing with doctors and big pharma have allowed them to push food policies detrimental to health and which directly oppose prevention.

3) Energy Policy Apparently, Palin rules at it and Biden AGREES WITH HER. WTF? Has anyone else noticed that the republican party didn't give a shit about energy conservation or notice global warming until about ohhhh, six months ago when they got tired of funding hurricane relief and thought spring was just "too gall darn hot!" Joe, I'm sure you could have pulled something from your repertoire besides, "yes, Sarah, you are awesome and just being next to you reduces my carbon footprint."

4) Proliferation of Pakistan, Iran Maybe I'm old school, but I was always taught the presence of nukes was... not "good" per se (unless, it's Palin's new MJ-good-is-bad cross over), but not worrisome because of a philosophy of Mutually Assured Destruction. In a post-debate cigarette break, I posed this point of view to my constituents. Videographicad suggested that crazy men with nukes means we all die. Ah, crazy. These leaders are crazy. And I think that's how these politicians scare us into unjust wars, they give us an enemy - especially a crazy one with a nukular dick and a Hezbollah ball cap, his hand lubed up and ready to stroke the bright red button. Allow me to suggest, crazy as it may seem, that these leaders - although religiously backward nut jobs - are not crazy enough to detonate a nuclear weapon that could destroy their nation as well or risk a serious, international, ANGRY response. Possible? And furthermore, Palin mentioning sanctions was so ignoramus-1991. Everyone knows that sanctions cause suffering to the citizenry and not the leadership of a nation. And in a corrupt regime, they could give a good FUCK about said citizenry. Of course, American foreign policy has NEVER taken into account the actual peoples of nation-states so I'm not surprised we would be starting now. And finally, the more and more I read about past governments taking us to war to "protect our fine liberty from the shackles of communism", the more and more I realize I can insert terrorism for communism and know the rhetoric is bullshit, and we are all irrational and forgetful of history if we don't see right through the wag-the-dog smoke screen and realize that these efforts are only self-interested, and when I say self-interested I'm speaking of MONEY, HONEY. Who's profited MORE from the war in Iraq than friggin' Dick Cheney himself?!?

So the issues they didn't address: sexism, equal pay for equal work, abortion, to name a few. All subjects Biden could have easily indicted McCain and Palin on. Of course, knowing the religious pit bulls in lipstick watching, he was probably nervous to tread in that territory. As a feminist, I was begging for it. But why not wuss out? Once you're elected, just fill the Supreme Court with puritans and keep ignoring wage discrepancies!

And finally, my biggest complaint of the evening: Biden's unwillingness? forgetfulness? wrongfully coachedness? to keep clobbering in the point until it's the sweet melody of a song: Do we want another four years of GW? He did it a bit, but that is his best argument and he put it at the top of the flow when it should have been the heart of his rebuttal. The Bush administration ABUSED executive privilege and spent us into oblivion, and the McCain ticket will do EXACTLY the same. Shit, B, that's all you had to say!

Ah well, it's a hoot. Some of these same topics have been debated for decades (anyone remember Hilary's health care plan circa 1992?). I'm not expecting much of an American government. Most, i.e. ALL, have been reactionary, resolute failures. There's an inherent problem in governance: egomaniacs tend to do it. An egomaniac can't connect with people, subconsciously s/he sees them only in terms of numbers, problems, and obstacles to his or her own valor. That being said, I'd love for Obama to win. I'm just curious to see if he's right, if he can turn the sinking ship around. Plus, he's black. Perhaps that will redeem this horrible country of ours from at least a few years of our despicable history.

Alright, off to watch The Colbert Report to see if my boyfriend agreed with me on anything.