This past Sunday, as the Colts taunted and then tortured Carolina, my good friend, fellow football fan, and leader of the Colt's free world (as far as the boundaries I know personally), Ryan, clued me into upcoming news - "a big announcement" he called it- to be made by the Colt's Owner and CEO Jim Irsay this Tuesday, October 30. Ooh, what could it be? I had no guesses.
Then I found out, a Super Bowl Ring: What a fucking let down.
Don't get me wrong, the whole "donating to charity" angle is a thoughtful and inventive one. However, winning one of five of those ball-bustingly huge, design-impaired pimpster rings is not something I'd liken to finding a Wonka golden ticket.
Compounding my perplexity over the whole thing is the "Stages" of the contest, they read like a prescription drug warning. Hilariously, one cannot purchase tickets online. (I get why: It localizes the winner, keeping Indiana-defectors, like me, from stealing the competition and flying my prize back to Oakland - forever keeping a piece of Colts history thousands of miles from anything actually Colt-ish.)
Further, I found this part of the Stage 2 Indianapolis Treasure Hunt particularly controversial (the lawsuits are already writing themselves): "The top 10 performers, as determined by the sole discretion of the Ravenchase Adventures LLC judges, will advance to the third and final stage." But, admittedly, I do love me a good scavenger hunt. Too bad I don't know jack about the city of Indy (outside of it being large and boring). Finally, the ten worn-out, subjectivel-deemed "best performers" - total quacks I'd imagine - get their mugs on TV during halftime of the game December 2, and even then five of them won't get to lug home the crappiest piece of sport's memorabilia ever minted and given away to NON-PLAYERS.
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