Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Gossip Girl Season 3 Episode 1 - Here's All The Shit I Have

Where was Lilly? (Just because she ended up on your cell, Rufus, it doesn't count I DON'T BUY IT). I mean thank god she wasn't there because she sucks around Rufus. But on her own, I don't mind her pretentious face and slicked back pony tail. WHERE WAS LILLY? Even the 80s Lilly would have been something of interest, if not totally annoying.
Nate is dating a Buckley - of the conservative William F Buckley's I'm assuming. (He was the one that wrote Republican propaganda bedtime stories, right?) I'm sure Nate's family is so raging socialist, driving Porsche's and what not. Are we really to believe they differ so politically that there would be bad blood like the Kennedy's and the Schwarzenegger's? Oh that right, money just marries money no matter their intense, deep-hearted political leanings. I see you Govenator and cheek bones!
So Nate ditched Vanessa, and judging by her new hair extensions I'm not surprised. She's still just as Dan-obsessed as ever -- stunned to see his newly pampered ass get into a limo. She's crushing on Dan's long lost brother who is gay and seeking a trust fund (my guess).
So Dan's a total sell-out and has nothing going on but saving Serena. He fails miserably at this as usual (even bringing in Blair enforcements doesn't work - unless they meant for Serena to ride off the polo field via stolen horse to bang in the woods). That D bag whats-his-face (who coerced naive Nate into the shady poker game Season one) is back to love Serena unconditionally- since apparently they've run out of scarfed-artist-love-monsters.
And Serena's biggest contribution to the episode is her boobs. Seriously, all I noticed in each of her scenes is her boobs. She's got this Paris Hilton story line that doesn't even equal a perfume line or a ghost-written book. She's wha wha wha looking for her father who could give a shit about the third season.
Jenny's now a fag hag and lipstick model; Eric's the fag.
Blair and Chuck have been married for 30 years which has resulted in them having to make up sex games only a summer into their relationship. If it weren't for Blair's awesome dress in the last few scenes, I would have gone to film school so I could sneak onto the sound stage and spike her Tab with Drano.
Oh, and the show tried to pull off the "oh my god, they're not together anymore cos Chuck can't commit cos of his lady lust" and they try to land the story line a la 90210 when Kelly's flying back from NY and she's joining the Mile High Club with Colin - which incidentally led to the best season ever where she became a coke fiend.
Chuck looks wicked hot but the consensus in the living room is his eyebrows are too coiffed. I thought them perfectly coiffed.
I was bored, but the scenes for episode 2 where they have to acclimate to a college life look mildly interesting and if they can't beat Saved By The Bell, The College Years in entertainment value, then I'd put the kibosh on Season 4.

1 comment:

Gekkica Keppup Monkeee said...

"Governator and cheek bones." I am still chuckling to myself on that one. You are good at this get to it short re-cap thing. You cut to the quick with, "scarfed-artist-love-moster." HA! And her boobs were everywhere!!! Nichole and I about shit ourselves over how cute Blair looked in her dress, and then discussed the possibility of taking up an eating disorder. Of course Chuck looked very handsome, so why were they already out of the beginning stages of enfatuation when you can't stop fooling around after only 3 months. It was bad writing, give us this little story line in the middle of the season (It would still probably be bad, but at least more logically feasable). I completely agree with I hope it gets better than SBTB college years because if not....It will too go the way of another Josh Schwartz two season wonder and third goes to shit....

On a hopeful note, the actual in college scenes looked a little more hopeful, but I am not completely glass is half full on this one.